


She drives me crazy, and I can't help myself

by savvyliterate



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-15
Updated: 2012-04-15
Packaged: 2017-11-03 17:18:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/383942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvyliterate/pseuds/savvyliterate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were times that having glass floors in the TARDIS console was absolutely brilliant. Then there were others times when it was completely rubbish.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She drives me crazy, and I can't help myself

**Author's Note:**

> This is set in late series 6, between "The Girl Who Waited" and "The God Complex." Originally, this was suppose to be wardrobe room smut. They never quite got there.

It took him a moment to hear the voices through the hums and clicks of the various TARDIS parts surrounding his head as the Doctor worked beneath the console. Amy and Rory were off doing human-type things, something about taking naps. Then the air suddenly changed, honey, vanilla and time wafting through his workspace before he heard the discussion and realized they had just gained a fourth passenger.

“It’s been driving me mad for weeks,” Amy was saying. “We asked him to change it from bunk beds, and he did … to two beds shaped like racecars! Well, you can actually drive the beds. Rory likes that bit. But, they’re not really conducive to anything else, you know?”

“I completely understand, Amy,” River replied with sympathy, and … _ow_ … where did that pipe come from? The Doctor rubbed the back of his head absently as his heart beat just a bit faster in anticipation. He hadn’t even heard River’s vortex manipulator, and that was a bit vexing. He nudged the pipe back where it belonged, which certainly was not on his head.

“It took me weeks to convince him to get rid of the waterbed,” River said.

“Those aren’t so bad,” Amy replied, and the Doctor nodded in agreement. Waterbeds were cool. Wait. When had he shared a waterbed with River? He flushed and found himself twisting the little grey wire with purple spots until it frayed.

“It is when his definition of a waterbed is two inflatable rafts in the middle of a lake.” The women laughed. “There, all fixed, Amy.”

“Oh, thank you!” He swung back out just enough to see the shadows of the moving shapes on the floor above and figured Amy was giving River a hug near the TARDIS door. He tried not to pout. She’d only been on the TARDIS a couple minutes from what he could tell, and she wasn’t even bothering to say hello? Well, that was just rude. Fine. If River was going to be rude, then he’d be even ruder. Not noticing that he was scowling, the Doctor turned back to his wires.

“Won’t you stay?” Amy asked. “Just a bit? I mean … It’s been awhile. For us. Me and Rory. We’d like to talk.”

“I can’t tell you all that much, Amy,” River said gently.

“But we know a lot more than we did! We’ve done Berlin.”

River didn’t say anything for a moment. “Then, yes, I can stay. Where is the Doctor anyhow?” She stepped back up to the console just as the Doctor looked up at the floor once more. The see-through glass floor. 

And River was wearing a skirt.

With nothing underneath.

“Whoa!” Amy cried, grabbing onto the console just as they heard a crash beneath them, and the TARDIS pitched wildly.

“Oh, he never learns,” River hissed as she lunged across the console and smacked the required stabilizers to even out their flight. She whirled, skirts flaring out as she sailed down the stairs to see the Doctor, who had fallen out of the swing seat and had taken down a tangle of wires with him. They were knotted around his arms, one twisted around his ankle, and the other ankle was caught up in the seat. “Hello, sweetie.”

“River,” he choked. “What are you doing?”

“Well, from the looks of it, about to untangle you from a Time Lord version of cat’s cradle. Hold still.” She leaned over him, that maddening, wonderful scent floating even closer, and he shifted a bit uncomfortable as the thought of him, her and waterbeds decided to make an untimely revisit. But his hands were caught, and if River didn’t untangle that black wire around his wrist just right, well … he’d always wanted to see a supernova from the inside. But River’s fingers were quick and clever, and the moment his hand was free, he hastily covered the front of his trousers as she looped it back into place and secured it.

“My love, you realize that’s ineffective,” she said. “I do remember Berlin. There’s a reason you’ve grown quite fond of that green peacoat.”

“I wouldn’t have to wear it so much if you wouldn’t go around …,” he dropped his voice because Amy still lurked above them, “not wearing any knickers.”

She was kneeling at his feet now, carefully unwrapping green wires from his ankle. She shifted so she was between his legs and … oh. “Well, I dressed for a specific purpose in mind,” she said, her forehead furrowed in concentration as she kept them from being shot into the mid-Kjran era on Hyan. That would have been nasty. 

“Do you really have to molest me while your mother is standing right above us?” he whispered as her hands skimmed up his thighs and over his growing erection.

“It’s either molest you or discover if the TARDIS really can replicate the surface atmosphere of Neptune. The hard way.” She lightly picked up a purple cable and might have purposefully grazed the back of her knuckle along his erection. Well, now, this just wasn’t fair. It was really was a one-sided affair, and the dress she wore showed ample cleavage. Turnabout would be fair play, but … His eyebrows winged skyward. Then again, it was just Amy and he did have a free hand and …

“Is everything OK, Amy?” Rory’s voice floated down.

The Doctor froze. His hand might have moved toward River’s breast just a millimeter.

“Yeah, the Doctor’s just being the Doctor. River’s helping him untangle himself.”

“I was wondering who fixed the beds. Or, I should say, bed now. Thanks, River!”

“Any time, Dad,” River said with a laugh. “Don’t kick, sweetie.”

The Doctor grunted. Kicking was the only thing he could do with his maddening most-likely wife looming over him in a dress and nothing else and her sword-bearing father standing above them. 

River finished untangling him, and the Doctor hastily crawled away and to the stairs. He grabbed his jacket and wondered how he could hold it in front of him in a dignified manner. He poked his head above the floor to glare at Amy and Rory. “I gave you really cool beds! River ruined it!”

“No, she didn’t. And blame me. I asked her to come.” Amy waved the Doctor’s psychic paper at him. “You shouldn’t leave this lying about if you don’t want someone to use it. I wanted a new bed, and I wanted to see my daughter. I’m winning this battle, Doctor.”

“Amy …”

“No, you listen.” She dropped to her knees, pressing her face into his. “You disappeared for three months, most likely with her. You go see her whenever you can, and don’t think I don’t know about it. I don’t know what you’re protecting me and Rory from, because I would hope that after all this time you’d trust us enough not to go mucking up time.”

The Doctor wisely didn’t remind Amy that she’d just nearly tore time apart for Rory.

“River isn’t just yours, Doctor.” Her eyes clouded a bit. “She’s ours too.”

“Oh, Amelia Pond.” He moved up a couple more steps and grabbed her in a hug as she trembled lightly. 

“Doctor? Why is your coat tied about your waist?” Amy pulled back and gave him a cheeky, knowing grin, and he turned red. She leaped to her feet and tugged on Rory’s arm. “Well, let’s go see how our daughter redecorated our room.”

“It sounds wrong when you put it that way,” Rory said, trying to peer around Amy to look at the Doctor frantically trying to unwrap his jacket but instead wound up tripping down the stairs. 

“Rather her than him, yeah?” Amy shoved Rory ahead of her. “We’ll be a little bit!” she called over her shoulder. 

The Doctor managed to get the jacket off as Amy and Rory disappeared, and he threw it on the steps with a huff. He slipped his fingers into his braces, stretched them out, and pivoted to see River sitting in the swing seat, hands loosely gripping the cables holding it up as she swayed back and forth. More cables were arrayed in her lap, there was a smudge of grease on one cheek, and she really looked quite beautiful. 

He licked his lips a bit nervously, because his throat was suddenly dry and he still wasn’t quite sure how to handle all this … all this _everything_. It hadn’t been all that long since Demon’s Run, and what had been three months for Amy and Rory had actually been several days for him -- spent with an older version of their daughter as she confirmed that there would be no rescuing Melody Pond without unraveling all their timelines. For every moment he wondered if there was a chance to fix things for Amy and Rory, there were moments like this one, where all those emotions he’d suppressed for so long bubbled up and overflowed, and he knew that he couldn’t make things right for the Ponds. Because then he wouldn’t have River, and he was so, so selfish. For the thousandth time in his mind, he apologized to Amy and Rory.

“You’re thinking too much, sweetie,” River said softly.

He swallowed and dropped to the bottom step. River pulled his goggles into place, adding to an already fetching picture. “Why don’t you go drive while I fix this mess? We could take Amy and Rory to the 1920s. Amy would like that.”

“I was doing just fine before you got here without your knickers,” he muttered.

“Oh, honey, this mess has been this way for years. I’ve been dying to get my hands on these wires.” One foot pushed against the floor as she swayed back and forth, lost in the music of technology and the TARDIS. “What on earth made you solder these wires this way? Where’s that soldering iron?”

He nearly got back to his feet in a huff, torn between being annoyed and being well … she’d come on the TARDIS without knickers. For a specific reason. Well, it was to answer Amy’s message, but something about it caused River to dress in a way that would well … He shifted a bit nervously, stared at his hands and wondered if his sonic screwdriver needed a few extra settings. Or maybe he could tweak the handle a bit. Or perhaps ... 

River pushed up the goggles, her gaze both all-knowing and a bit sad. “It’s very early for you, isn’t it?”

“Not that early,” he retorted quickly, because then next words out of her mouth would be how young he is, and he most certainly is _not_ young. He’d proven that to her quite thoroughly after Demon’s Run. He was quite sure his ears were still ringing from the screams. Even so, it was still a bit odd to well … ask for something like intimacy. It just seemed to happen naturally with them that first time and every other time after that. Which hadn’t been that many times, and he certainly wasn’t opposed to more, and he was thinking far too much again instead of doing something about the fact that River Song nearly caused him to shoot them all into a parallel universe because she’d come on his TARDIS not wearing knickers. 

“You really are obsessed with what I’m not wearing under my dress aren’t you, honey?”

He glared at her. “I am certainly not thinking about that!”

River lowered her hands, red and pink wires laced through her fingers. “Oh, my love. I certainly know _that_ look in your eyes.” She stood, stretching to reach a point deep inside the console, and her bosom rose just enough to make his breath catch. “All you have to do is ask.”

“Ask that you leave my TARDIS in one piece?”

“For sex.” Her foot trailed up his thigh, and he hadn’t even realized he’d shifted onto the floor and was at her feet. She kicked off one of the flats she wore and traced her toes up the in-seam of his trousers and across his erection. They curled in a bit, and he hissed from the sensation. His hands slid up her bare thigh and beneath her skirt, tracing symbols behind her knee as her fingers trembled a bit and the lights flickered as a small connector snapped. She swore in ancient Egyptian.

“You’re not doing it right,” he scolded, stood and reached into the well, batting her hands back.

“I was doing it just fine before you distracted me,” River huffed and tried to nudge him away. 

“You distracted me first!”

“I most certainly did not.”

“Did too!”

“Did not!” They were now glaring at each other with all the grace and stubbornness of little children squabbling over a swing set, complete with dirty battle tactics. In retaliation, she pinched his bum and the TARDIS tilted by 20 degrees as his fingers slipped and tripped a circuit.

“Doctor!” Amy’s voice echoed through the console room.

“Fixing!” The Doctor called out as River flipped a circuit breaker, and the TARDIS rotated back. He glared down at River, who glared back … before starting to laugh. He giggled in return. There was something about her laugh that always drew him in. He tapped her nose and before he could extract himself from the well, she grabbed his bowtie, tugged him to her and kissed him quite passionately. It didn’t take much for him to gain his bearings, coax her mouth open and take the kiss deeper as they stood beneath then console, under the gentle pumping of the time rotor. Time pulsed around them, drawing the moment out until it was almost endless. A fact as hard and fast as Jack Harkness. The Doctor and River Song wrapped up in the heart of the TARDIS, and there was never anything so right, so complete, as that. 

They sank until she had dropped back into the seat, and he pushed straps of her dress off her shoulders. Not too far. Just enough to reveal the swells of her breasts. He pressed butterfly kisses to the exposed skin. He dropped to his knees, hands skimming up her dress, over her knees and coaxing her thighs open. She was working his shirt open, her trimmed nails lightly scraping his nipples as he hissed and pushed her a bit farther into the swing. Oh, the swing. He pulled away from her, his thumbs hovering above the heat that radiated from her. He lightly brushed one thumb over her clit, and she whimpered. “Stand up for me, my bad girl,” he whispered, and pulled her to her feet.

“I really hope you’re thinking what I’m thinking,” she whispered back, undoing his trousers and pushing them down. He caught up her hands, spinning her around in the tiny area before taking her place in the swing seat. She stood back and finished stripping off the dress to reveal that she wasn’t wearing a bra either. 

“Oh, you really are a bad girl.” He let his shirt fall to the floor as she straddled his thighs, sitting just in front of his erection as he pulled her to him. He pressed kisses to her shoulder, nibbling his way up her neck and beneath her ear, tugging on the lobe as his hands skimmed down her back, over her bum and lightly sliding his finger between the cheeks. Her hair hung around them in a curtain of curls as she lightly grinded herself against him before trailing kisses down his chest, abdomen, then moving off his lap to … oh. He hissed and grabbed the swing’s cables as she took him into her mouth, one hand wrapped around the base as she took him in as deeply as possible, suctioning hard, then drawing slowly out.

As she continued to lavish attention on him, he had a wild flash of just pulling out, of watching himself let go just inches from those gorgeous lips and seeing that all over her face. He whined, and she pinched his inner thigh before releasing him with an audible pop. “Maybe some other time, my love,” she crooned, dancing her fingers around his sac before lighting trailing them up his erection, over the tip. “We can save that for when we break out the handcuffs and riding crop.” She slid onto his lap, guiding him into her. “Now, there’s a spoiler for you.”

“Somehow,” he gasped as he twisted his hips and thrusted as deep as he could, his hands gripping her waist tightly, “I knew the handcuffs part already.”

“Oh, really?” A smile tugged at her lips, and she dropped a kiss to the corner of his mouth before pressing her forehead to his. “Spoiler for me then.” 

“Not a spoiler,” he murmured and kissed her lips, her chin, then her neck. She moaned as his mouth closed over her breast, drawing the nipple between his teeth and biting down just a little too hard before letting it go. “Some things are just facts.”

She rolled her hips, moving over him in a steady pace as he paid equal attention to the other breast before capturing her lips again. It was a long, lingering kiss, out of sync with their bodies’ movements that were rapidly growing just a bit more frantic. Her hands moved between them, but he quickly batted them away, rubbing one thumb over her clit while keeping her steady with the other hand.

The swing rocked to-and-fro as they grew more desperate, reaching for something that they could only claim together. One of the cables holding the swing snapped, another strained, but neither of them noticed. She arched back, leaning so far that her curls brushed against wires, and he had a magnificent view of everything, from her breasts right down to where they were joined, and oh, that was beautiful, and she was beautiful, and the universe was beautiful, and the swing was about to break, and … _yes_.

It was one of those rare, beautiful moments where they came almost perfectly in sync. She came first, the music of his real name spilling off his lips as she trembled violently, and he was helpless to do anything but fall after her.

Then the rest of the cables snapped.

They landed on the floor in a tangle of flesh, sweat and wires. It took the Doctor a moment to realize that the swing just couldn’t hold both of them, and he really needed to fix that.

“Doctor?” He heard footsteps rush into the console room. “Are you OK?”

“Don’t come down here!” Both the Doctor and River yelled at the same time.

No one said a word.

“I can see that,” Amy said after a moment.

Rory coughed. “Yeah … Uh … Glass floors.”

River buried her head in the Doctor’s shoulder and laughed until tears rolled down her cheeks.

The Doctor privately vowed to do away with those damn glass floors the next time he convinced the TARDIS it was time to redecorate.


End file.
